Desire What Is Denied
by shieru.phantomhive
Summary: He desires, what is denied. / Ciel-centric, slight Claude/Ciel, implied Sebastian/Ciel.


**we always long. . .**

"_Young master, it's time for you to wake up._" Cold, I had remembered it to be. But now, it seemed so warm and inviting. Like a mother's arm, to ensnare a young child in an unknown comfort. What was it about a mother's arms that could comfort a child so easily..? Thinking back on it..my mother's arms..they were always so..

**Warm. **A touch of silken, more than likely overused, yet oh, so immaculate, gloves pressed gently against the chilled skin, from the night air, of my facial features.

"_Young master? You have a full schedule today, and breakfast will-_"

"_I know. I'm up._"

I can feel the warm touch, of an unearthly demon, pull away. Eyes flutter open, sight blurred then clear. A yawn passes my lips, and slowly, I raise my worn, tired body. I glance to him, to the demon besides me. For a moment, I can see no expression on his features, but that melts and meshes away into a warm smile, reflected light of the beaming, morning sun, shining on his spectacles.

"_Claude._" He nods his head towards me, an inclination he's awaiting my order. Lips opened then closed, a sigh instead passes dry lips. I slip from under the covers, glancing to the demon and briefly meeting his calculating gaze. Before I need to voice my order, he begins the routine of undressing me.

I shiver. This..feeling. It's strange. I know that I would only ever allow my butler to hold and touch me so easily, so why am I so reluctant to let Claude?

Small hands shoot out, delicate fingertips wrap around immaculate white, and I push his hands away. His expression, thoughtful for a moment, morphs into a slightly surprised expression. I mumbled in response to his features, releasing his hands and allowing him (reluctantly) to finish dressing me.

Hopping off the bed, I blink, unable to find my raven-hued cloth. I look to the end table, reaching out towards it, my hand is halted by that same, immaculate white. Flashing sight to Claude, I notice his somewhat pleased, pleasant expression portrayed.

"_What are you-?_"

"_Allow me to assist the young master._"

Swift in movement, I watch him sullenly as he lifts the eyepatch into his hands, drapes it over my Faustian-sealed optic, and snaps it into place. Yet..the knot, the way he tied it..feels strange.

Feels..

**wrong.**

Casting aside thoughts for now, I follow him to the dining room, food set and prepared. Taking a seat, I silently eat my breakfast, glancing to the demon besides me on occasion, feeling a strange, tense essence that swarmed the air.

Another sigh, sight glances down towards the plate beneath me. It's almost..unnoticeable, but I can faintly detect it. "_Claude?_"

A step, he's besides me, bowed to my eye level. "_Yes, young master?_" I frown in response, pressing fleshed finger against the plate and sweeping up substance. He blinks as I hold up sullied fingertip towards him. His eyes seem to harden in thought, and perhaps in something else that I can't read..

"_What is it, young mast-_"

"_There's a spot._"

**for the forbidden things. . .**

It was hot. Unbearably hot. My entire body was so..heated. Panting, writhing. I gasped, twisting my head backwards and berating him, Claude, who merely stared back, meeting my vision. I shivered from the stare, it seemed to hold so much wanting, yearning, _desire_.

"_Forgive me, young master. Even if I am one hell of a butler, I can't stop the sun from shining._" A frown downturns my lips at his answer. Shaking my head, I run gloved hand through hair, matted with sweat. I hear him sigh, pulling my arm back, and by default pulling me back into him.

"_Claude! Let me go this instant!_" His arms only tighten around me in response. Before I know it, arm is swept under my legs and I'm lifted into the air. I struggle, frowning and trying to squirm free of the sudden hold. "_Claude!_"

My eyes flicker and meet his, and for that single instant, suspended in air, that single moment where his gleaming eyes of that devilish hue..that forever lasting moment..it will..be burned into my mind forever. Why? I don't know, but..just seeing his eyes, his face, the way he was looking at me..I forgot it was hot, I forgot it was the middle of summer, and even the small, undeniable fact that Claude held me in his arms.

I could only feel those undeniable shivers, running up and down my spine.

"_Let me down._" And so he did, the strangely ethereal moment passing, though I still could feel a hint of the tension, of that chilling feeling hanging over me. I was unsure of Claude, for he held a mask of stone over his face. He was very much like me in that way, I never really noticed. Claude..could always hide his emotions rather well. Maybe because he was older than I, or maybe because he was a demon where I, only a human. Whatever the case, I could not hold my porcelain mask so perfectly.

I sometimes let emotions, wild, rampaging conclusions tear me apart. Whirlwind inside of me, like a terrible storm. Snapped from my thoughts, my sight flashed to him again, his ever calculating eyes boring into mine, and I felt another chill before abruptly turning away, refusing to meet his gaze. It's not that I couldn't meet it, for I very well could. I just..I didn't want to meet his stare, his cold, intense, _hungry_ stare.

"_Come. It's time to head inside for lunch._"

"_..Right._"

Glancing to him, I just flashed him the slightest of glares, to which he mocked me with, returning my glare with an amused countenance. Why..? That seemed so familiar? His expression, that smirk of amusement. No. It wasn't Claude who's shown me such things before, it's..someone else. But who? It didn't make any sense.

Lifting a hand, I groaned, feeling a headache throbbing. "_My head..hurts._" Again, I felt a warmth of a touch, and flinched away from it. I met his gaze for the final time, a sense of doubt portrayed in my visible optic. He stepped back, pressing palm to chest and bowed, leading me back inside.

I couldn't face him once I sat for lunch. I shivered, silently eating my lunch with mild distaste. The food..it wasn't..that good. I couldn't quite place it, but it just simply didn't suit my tastes. So, I left the food barely touched. I shoved the plate away, frowning and feeling empty. Though, maybe..not so much from the lack of food. I felt oddly hollow, as if..there was nothing inside of me.

No heart.

I was empty.

Empty.

Empty.

**Empty!**

My breath was cut short and I slammed my hands to the surface of the table, stumbling over my feet and hurrying away. Ignoring his calls, I had to get away, shouting when I tripped and stumbled over my own feet, falling face first to the floor. Well, I would have, had not Claude's arms trapped me. I breathed out in shaky gasps, turning to meet his golden gaze. "_Cl-Claude.._"

"_Young master.._" I watched him, watched and waited. Watched as his face steadily grew closer to my own. My eyes slid closed, breath held..just..what was he doing? I could feel his breath, near inches away from me, I could feel that hot essence of his mere presence. I mouthed his name, gripping his shoulders tightly. My hands fell away, breathless.

Wait.

Wait.

Please wait.

This is wrong.

You're not..right.

This isn't right.

Wrong.

Not Right.

Wrong.

Not Right.

"_This isn't right! Claude..this is wrong.._" Shoving him away, I left. I rushed up the stairs and into the nearest room, gasping and slamming the door shut, staring at the mirror that reflected my image. Taking strides closer to the mirror, I pressed fleshed fingertips to the cool glass. That image, was my reflection? Pressing my palm against the glass, the mirror image began to splinter and break.

**and desire what is denied us.**

It was burning. My eye was burning! Searing like a molten lava. But why..? This..this pain was too much. I couldn't make it go away, I didn't know where it was coming from. Hand to chest, I clutched my heart, the pain..it was unbearable. Burning. I was on fire. Everything around me was like a hot fire, a terrible burning. It wouldn't go away.

It was so hot!

Ripping my patch away, I gasped, staring into the dangerous Faustian seal. It was burning, flaming. Shining brightly, as if mocking my in my reflection. I couldn't stare at it anymore. It was a curse! Eyes flashing everywhere, I grabbed the nearest solid object, a chess board, and through it to the glass. I cared not for the shards that broke my skin, thin lines of crimson red breaking across the porcelain.

It was red. A ruby-red. Like..

"_Humans cannot reject temptation._"

That voice..

"_When they are plunged into the depths of despair, likened to hell, they will hold on to anything that may help them escape from the situation they are in,_"

You..you're..

"_even if it's merely a spider's thread, no matter what sort of humans they are._"

Sebastian. Michaelis!

"_Are you..here..Sebastian Michaelis?_"

No. He wasn't. I knew he wasn't. Those words, they sounded so familiar, and his voice..it haunted me. It was in my mind, surrounded me, entrapped and ensnared me. Sebastian. Sebastian..Michaelis. Why do I feel your presence around me? It's as if..you've captured me. But..why? This..I'm supposed to..

"_Yes, My Lord._"

...

...

...

You..

"_I am your knight, after all._"

...

...

...

I think..

I..I..

I...

Sebastian.

I..

I think I..

"_I miss you._"

**_We always long for the forbidden things, and desire what is denied us_.**


End file.
